Impatient: a word that describes many; a word that describes me. It’s subconsciously easy to act based on my emotions. Angry? Just yell at everyone to let them know it’s my way or the highway. Envious? Just buy something online because it’s cute and I’ll probably use it for an Instagram post. Hungry? Don’t even bother taking the time to chop some veggies! Eat some chips; salsa counts as a vegetable.
While these small tasks in life surely show my lack of patience, there are other areas of my life that aren’t noticeable on how impatient I’m feeling. I just recently started going to talk therapy. It’s time to get to the root of my issue, dig them out, and replace them with God’s wholeness. I’ve only been to one session and I’m ready to be made new. “Here, God. I’m broken, but You can fix me right now! …right?” is not a new thought of mine. I’ve been praying for God to break my heart, put me through the pain, so I can experience His full grace and love. I desire to be renewed, quickly burned in the furnace, dusted off, and then dazzling like a diamond. For like a diamond, we slowly take on the pressure and the heat that refines us. Like a diamond, we are unconquerable because of this intense refinement.
“You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” James 1:3-4
I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. God is answering my prayers. He is melting off my tough layers, the dullness that I am encapsulated in. Soon, He will shine through me at all times instead of just when I acknowledge Him. His love will no longer be blocked through my willingly hardened heart. Soon, I will be vulnerable with no fear of rejection, shame, or judgement. Soon, I will be blessed with wisdom and maturity. Soon. Because He is good. He is working even when I am waiting.
I read this quote recently in What Happens When Women Say Yes to God by Lysa Terkeurst, “I am a woman on a journey of learning how to make sure my reactions don’t deny Christ’s presence in me. I am a woman who says yes to God not because my emotions and reactions are always perfect. No, I say yes to God because He is perfectly able to forgive me, love me, remind me, challenge me, and show me how to weather trials in ways that prove His Spirit resides in me. I remind myself often that people don’t care to meet my Jesus until they meet the reality of Jesus in my life.”
Maybe you’re experiencing a different wait. Waiting for a promise you thought He’d fulfill, waiting for the desires of your heart to be a reality. Me too, girl! I’ve been waiting for that husband, I’ve been waiting for that spiritual gift, I’ve been waiting for that change!
“But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.” Micah 7:7
Remain hopeful, hold fast to the promises He has already fulfilled, remember His goodness and justice. I like to ask myself, “Is this for His glory or mine? Do my desires align with His word? Does His will for my life match up to the life I envision?”
“For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end– it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.” Habakkuk 2:3
Waiting is difficult, and change is painful, but my God saves. His way is true and best for me, and I will win this fight. I have the choice to remain in my sin, and I have the choice to ask for forgiveness out of the bottom of my heart. And because HE is good, gracious, and merciful, I am forgiven, redeemed, and soon to be made NEW.
So, my friend, let’s wait together. We will wait in expectance for the Savior. His timing is perfect, even when He doesn’t provide us with the answer to our Why? or When?, and He provides us with hope. When doubt fills our minds, we have the power to boldly speak His truths, until those, too, fill our minds.